I have been considering writing this blog for a long time. I needed an outlet for my constant frustration with my ex. In considering I worried that I would run out topics, or things to write about. Well, I don't think that will be a problem. My Douche Bag Ex (henceforth to be known as DBE) just today gave me something I need to share.
Usually DBE calls, texts or emails me several times a day. Some days, I get all three! I know. Believe me. It’s ridiculous. We do share custody of two beautiful hellcats (kids) but this is no excuse 95% of the time. Now, DBE does well, makes plenty of money but I have no idea how. He is not smart. Not book smart and just generally not smart (look he was tall, cute and I was way too young when we got married). A typical email from him has about 19.6 million grammatical and spelling errors. When I'm feeling like a particularly heinous bitch I will correct his mistakes and send it back.
You know he just sits there and broods and tries to figure out how to overcome this. Spell check might be the first thing that comes to mind for the average person. Let’s not be silly people. He found another way. Lately, I've noticed his emails looking and sounding a lot differently. Today I actually took the time to open one of the emails on the computer (as opposed to immediate deletion) to respond and it hit me. NEW is editing, if not flat out writing them.
NEW is new wife. I'm not sure I have the energy to fully detail all of that fuckery today, so you will just have to wait until another installment to hear why my hatred is growing for her. Although, we can safely add this to the list.
This is what I observed in today's email. First of all, I am addressed with my FIRST NAME. Okay? He hasn't flat out addressed me in years. Next, there is a change in color and font. Pfft. That just speaks for itself. THEN COME THE NUMBERS, BULLET POINTS AND ROMAN NUMERALS! I doubt he could follow a detailed breakdown like that if it had arrows, much less write it. Lastly, he signed it. Again, change in color and font. It may as well have been signed NEW at the bottom.
I swear I didn't know it was possible to that pissed off and laughing so hard at the same time! Obviously, I was very warm and understanding in my response. Next time I will just ask if I can correspond with her directly if she is going to write his emails for him. Good luck little douche bags. Good luck.
Next up? DBE wants to have a "talk" with Mr. Wonderful (my fabulous boyfriend). I only wish I were making this up.
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